The Struggle for Me on Balancing Responsibility and Passion

Exploring the Line Between Passion and Responsibility.

If I could go back in time to tell my 10 year old self something it would be this, “Keep looking until you find that thing that you love. Search hard for it. Don’t be discouraged. It is out there. Let it change you. Transform you. You will be better for it.”

It is probably a good idea that I never received that advice. I would probably been living in a camper, parked illegally somewhere, with my dog, training all the time. Like a surfer who lived for the waves, my life would revolve around Jiu Jitsu and Bang Muay Thai.

Without taking a complete inventory of my life, it is sufficient to say I love my wife and daughters. I imagine all paths eventually lead to them. I can’t imagine my life without them.

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With age, you often have money that was not available in youth. However, that is at the sacrifice of time. The struggle is when you get older it is harder to let your passions take you away and transform you on the level it does when you are young.

I still train. Consistently. There was a brief period when I would drive 3 hours a day to train. Other times in my life I have gotten up at 4:50 AM to hit the 6 AM class across town. It is never convenient, easy or affordable. It is definitely cheaper than drinking but to say that it is my therapy would be to cheapen it. It is so much more than that.

I remember, after my freshman year of college, I went out to California for a couple of weeks. We surfed every day. The feeling you get when you are out there pointed away from the shore. Before you turn back to catch a wave and all you see is other surfers, a few birds and the giant expanse of the ocean. It is a different world. I felt very small yet humbled to be a part of that world. All my problems were miles away and I felt I was apart of something bigger. That is the feeling I get on the mats.

Ultimately, most of us walk the line between responsibility and passion. The things we love ultimately tell a story about who we are. Yet another equally important story is how we fight for those things.

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