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Is It Worth it? Habits That Frustrate A Grappler’s Spouse
Habits to avoid for a happy relationship…
For many of us who have dived too deep down the rabbit hole of Jiu Jitsu, it can be difficult on our spouses. Here are some of the common complaints a Jiu Jitsu practitioner may hear from their spouse.
First, every t-shirt is a Jiu Jitsu shirt. I would argue this is not a fair assessment. I do have a few t-shirts that are boxing, MMA related. I may even have a t-shirt or two with the American flag or skulls. While not every t-shirt is Jiu Jitsu related an extremely large majority of them are. I would argue if you love something as much as Jiu Jitsu, it is natural to want to share it. Also it is always nice when you are in a strange place to recognize a fellow grappler by his awesome t-shirt choice. In truth, I only partly understand this complaint. What other t-shirts would I own?
A Second point of friction is the Velcro in my Jiu Jitsu shorts mess up clothes in the wash. Most of the gym shorts that I own are the old school variety with aggressive Velcro in the waist line. This is great for training because there is nothing worse than having to worry about your clothes in a roll. But it can be tough on a relationship when I think it is a good idea to sneak my gym shorts in with a load of my wife’s clothes.
Third point of stress is television time. While I understand that my spouse does not want to binge watch 8 hours of instructionals, (we can dream) it took me longer to realize that she does not want to watch the latest EBI or UFC event every time we watch TV. It is important to realize that with TV time there has to be some give and take.
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The fourth point of contention is grappling at inappropriate times. No, my wife does not want me to practice my gravity drills while she is folding laundry. No, she does not want me to rep guard recovery drills while she is talking on the phone. She never wants me to practice takedowns on her. I made the mistake of butt scooting to my wife when she was pregnant. That was a big mistake.
Fifth, and most important, is family time. While I think it may be a great idea to train twice a day that may not be the best recipe for a good relationship. Training schedules should be communicated. Family time should be planned. Even beyond that, if I am not working or at the gym I should seek to maximize the time with my family. Not just say I am home so that is enough.
My wife often jokes that Jiu Jitsu is my mistress and secret family. While Jiu Jitsu is a beautiful thing the impact to your family needs to be carefully managed. It is important for any relationship to allow your partner the time for the things they love. However, this passion needs to be managed and communicated. The impact to your family needs to be understood.